


War Pigs

by ugoghgal



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Minor Original Character(s), Murder, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Slow Burn, Starkiller Base, Storm Trooper, Stormtrooper Culture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:41:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23713780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ugoghgal/pseuds/ugoghgal
Summary: You're a lowly stormtrooper, stranded on an isolated base on the outer reaches.  Yet, you dream of moving up the ranks and achieving greatness.  You long for the day when you're no longer another face behind a mask, and when people know your name.  But, with great power comes destruction.  You've been able to run from it without fear of punishment, until now, when both the arrival of Kylo Ren and your unknown past threaten your dreams.*very plot heavy/slow burn!*
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	1. What Dreams Are Made Of

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream big, you were always told. But now, your dreams of power mingle with those of your unknown past. Can both exist together?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ribs" - Lorde (explained in notes)

You looked at the town around you, your feet shifting on the packed ground. It smelled warm, like exotic spices and familiarity. The town was alive as if the very soil had a heart beat. People milled about, kids sprinted through the square. Faces darted towards you, but never for more than a few seconds. As you locked eyes with them, you couldn’t decipher if it was anger or empathy that they felt towards you, but they smiled regardless. They knew you, but from where? You had no idea where you were, which planet, which system. Nothing. But what you did know was that your blaster was gone, and once the First Order found you, you were as good as dead. Your only form of protection was the armor that covered your skin, and even that couldn’t protect you from what you feared. Absorbed in your own thoughts, you didn’t even realize that the once crowded square was empty now as the sun began to set, or that your feet were carrying you to the outer reaches towards a vast wasteland of sand. You stopped when a woman appeared in front of you. She was sobbing, holding her stomach tightly as if she was about to collapse. She called out a name to you, her hands reaching out. And in her right hand, she held a familiar gun. Your blaster, her finger on the trigger.

You woke up in a cold sweat. You were back in the barracks, the hum of your comrades keeping time as they slept. You sat up, covering your face with your hands. You couldn’t help but cry. This was the third dream like this in a month, and they were only becoming more frequent. The very questions you had, you had answers to. Deep memories within you told you that you knew this woman, this town, this life. But your mind was incapable of reaching that far back to grip the truth. 

You looked around. Deep within the base, no light was able to reach into the barracks, but you knew that it was almost morning. The beds around you began to move as the sleepers shifted into lighter sleep. Knowing that the bright lights would turn on soon, you made your way to the bathroom, happy to avoid the crowd of twenty-four others still groggy with sleep. 

You sat on your small bed once and looked at the shelf beside you. Your uniform was stowed away below you, but you must have missed this somehow. You looked beneath your bed. It was locked as normal, in the same position it was in every day. It must’ve been you who had lazily forgotten it, but thankfully no officers were around to scold you for your neglect. You stared at it. Even in the low light, it shone like a beacon, making it impossible to ignore. The bright white of it was enough to sober you from your dreams. It was time to face your truth, what you were destined to do. In the black glass of your stormtrooper helmet, you saw your reflection. And it was the clearest it had ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaahhh!!! This is my first fic that I've actually published!!! I really hope you guys like it as much as I do! If not, feel free to leave me any suggestions, anything helps! Please bear with me as I go through this lol. Anyways, I've decided to associate each chapter with a song. I personally love connecting my writing and art to music, as I think it can give both pieces a new meaning. Each chapter has a song that I believe connects to the content, as well as connecting to Kylo Ren/Ben Solo and his story.
> 
> Also, I just want to add that the idea of this fic came from an edit of the same name/song by voordeel on youtube. Their work is so amazing, and I wanted to make sure to give them credit!  
> https://youtu.be/SWUrl7FpkAo


	2. The Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visitors arrive, and everything changes as you learn how to adapt to the new fear and anger that hangs within the base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Man Comes Around" - Johnny Cash

You marched into the large loading bay, the tight line of stormtroopers quickly forming into even rows. Like always, the troops stood behind the superior officers. Sometimes if your platoon was lucky, you would be able to stand closer to the front, near the action. Not this time.

You scanned the bay, admiring the capacity of the First Order that it held. It was times like this that you took full pride in not only the First Order, but yourself. Being a stormtrooper didn’t offer many chances of celebration, so it was essential to find an opportunity to do so whenever possible. It validated you, it gave you a purpose. You were destined to help take rightful control over the galaxy, and when the day came, one day you would lead it too. It was what you were bred to do. 

A bright light encompassed you, a ship, one you had never seen before. It exhaled smoke as it touched to the floor. Slick black wings raised high in the air, anger deep in its belly. It looked like the mechanization of death, and it was beautiful. It settled, and four stormtroopers filed out, led by one encapsulated in chromium armor. You gasped, Captain Phasma. Around you, others shifted in place. It was if they were trying to get a better look, but were too afraid of getting caught. Seconds later, they followed. General Hux and Commander Ren. The three most famed, and feared, leaders were at your base. The very base that was so often neglected by these very people. They stood, waiting to be greeted by the base’s colonel and major. Even from the distance, you could notice Ren forming his leather-clad hands into fists. You wondered if the rumors were true, about his hideous and violent outbreaks. At this, he turned, scrutinizing the troops as he walked between them. He turned back, disinterested now, but still projecting his ferocity your way. The group walked down the middle, giving the waiting a chance to see them, to feel their power. It was minutes after they left that anyone dared to move. Perhaps they were in awe of those who just arrived, or they suddenly feared for their lives in a way they never had before. 

Nearly an hour had passed as you stood at your post. You had been stationed at the armory for nearly two months now, not that it even needed protection. The heavy door was locked, and required two types of identification. That being said, it was a prized job. Many guards often became weapon specialists or were enlisted in the control center. Just one step closer to your dream. You decided it was time to make your rounds, leaving your fellow guard behind. Technically, you were required to travel in pairs or more, but you enjoyed the freedom in wandering the endless halls alone. You’d done it before, and no one had ever stopped you. Your footsteps seemed to grow louder as you walked. You stopped, confused by the added weight. As you turned around, a tower of black seemed to consume you. Kylo Ren stood motionless, absorbing the light that surrounded you two. Through the masks, you stared at each other. Without even seeing his eyes, you could sense that they were scanning you, furious. The same ferocity as before washed over you. You averted your eyes as soon as you saw your own reflection, overpowered by your sense of shame. “Sir--” you began to say, but he had already looked up again. You were pushed to the side as he began walking. Just as quickly as your commander appeared, he was gone. You were alone in the hallway once more. 

You sat alone on your bed, the only safe place you knew. You held your helmet in your hands. You couldn’t look down at it, the sight of yourself in the visor made you sick. You still remained in the rest of your armor, it hadn’t betrayed you yet. And as if things couldn’t get worse, an ear-piercing alarm began ringing, alerting you to report to your battle station. Within minutes, you stood back in the same line as before. You hoped that you knew someone that stood near you, but it was impossible to distinguish between the perfect white masks. You boarded the small transport ship, just barely finding one of the final spaces near the doors. As the weapons were being loaded on, you looked into the crowd for a far too familiar mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty Kylo Ren? Emo stormtrooper? The perfect combo if you ask me.


	3. War-Torn Fields

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first battle with commander Kylo Ren. You let yourself hold you back, but now you may face the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "For Whom The Bell Tolls" - Metallica

The ship hit the ground with a crash, sending the passengers into each other. As the doors opened, you saw hell. Flames covered everything, sending dark smoke high into the sky, turning it pitch black. You ran in regardless, willing to risk your life just like everyone else. As you gained a sense of your surroundings, a man sprinted towards you, screaming. You waited until he was close enough to hit him, knocking him unconscious. Until you saw the grenade he carried in his hands. You shot him in the leg, sending a scream into your ears. Grabbing the grenade, you threw it into the wreckage, the large explosion only added to the chaos. You smiled knowing that you left your own mark in this battle. As the man groaned into the ground, you shot him again. And just like before, you shot him just enough to hurt, but not enough to kill. You had never killed before, but you fired your blaster nevertheless. Maybe it was that you liked watching people suffer because of you, or because you couldn’t bring yourself to take someone’s life with your own hands. 

The battle raged on until there was nothing left. Everything had burnt to ash, and was beginning to settle. You walked on the newly packed ground where a small home once stood. You found yourself in line ready to board the ship back to the base. There he was again, his black robes framed by the yellow fire behind him. His lightsaber was aflame, sending a chill down your spine. The design was unique to him, meant to strike fear into the heart of those he was about to strike down, and it worked. He looked your way again as he twirled his weapon in his hand. You admired his skill with the terrifying lightsaber, narrowingly avoiding the spikes of fury on each side of the handle. You could only wonder how much destruction he himself caused, if he saw you. Still staring at its blade, you stumbled onto the ship, and underneath your helmet, your cheeks flushed as red as his lightsaber.

The ship finally took off. You hadn’t noticed before, but there was more space now, and you instantly understood what it meant. It was impossible to fight to the extent of the First Order without the loss of life. And no matter how powerful you were, there would always be those who managed to strip your strength as they tore through your ranks. You wouldn’t know who you had lost until your arrival, but you had already begun filling your thoughts with them. It felt like the least you could do, thinking about them. It wasn’t like they’d be honored in any other way.

Back on the base, the ship touched down softly against the reflective black floors. You walked back to your post, there were still hours before the next rotation. As you waited, your fellow guard never returned. You never even knew his number, much less the face behind the helmet. His replacement would arrive tomorrow, and you wondered if one day there would be another mask in your spot too. But for now, you stood alone, until two more stormtroopers approached the armory. “Your presence is requested in the command center,” one said, while the other lead you away. You already knew what this was about: your encounter with the commander. Of course he reported you for walking alone. And this was his petty way of punishing you.

The two of you reached the command center, where your superiors waited for you. They resembled a three-headed beast more than they did humans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, this chapter was so hard to write and it's not even anything sad or smutty. Lol, bruh moment. Let's see how I manage through the rest of this.


	4. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your worst fears come true, and you see the true power of you commander firsthand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Come as You Are" - Nirvana

You stood silently in front of your three superiors. Your reflection glinted off of the bright chromium of Captain Phasma, but you refused to see if it did the same within the blackness of Commander Ren’s mask. Everything within you told you not to, but you met eyes with him behind masks. Not out of respect, but out of fear. As soon as you did, though, a sharp pain was sent thundering through your skull. Tears welled in your eyes, but you couldn’t show any weakness, even if your face was covered. “Ren,” General Hux said sharply, shooting a glare to the creature on his left. The pain died as if it had never even been there. The general returned to focus on you. “Do you know why you’re here?” he inquired. You hesitated, your mind racing to avoid the obvious choice. Commander Ren stepped forward, the pain splitting your skull once more. “You were caught alone, away from your post,” he sneered as he circled you. But you were alone too, you thought as Kylo Ren faced you. You remained silent, letting their gazes sear into you. “You have been demoted,” began Captain Phasma. “You are now indefinitely stationed as a patrol guard.” The metallic tinge of her voice struck through your armor, deep within your heart. With a few words, your soul had been crushed. You felt completely alone. While Captain Phasma and General Hux had left, Kylo Ren remained, standing motionless in the same place as before. He waited for you to compose yourself, which surprised you after he just ruined your life by reporting you. But as quickly as this peace came, his own hate-filled tirade came raining down upon you. 

“I know what you did, or should I say, what you didn’t do,” he said as his voice rang out into the room. This was the first time that you had ever heard his voice so close. So often, it filled the atmosphere with its hate, and it certainly didn’t stop now. You continued to look forward, avoiding looking directly at him as he paced around you. “Sir,” your voice broke, “I don’t know what you’re referring to.” Except you did, and now it appeared that he did too. At this, his lightsaber ignited as it connected with the wall, leaving it disfigured. He seethed beneath his mask, his blade pulsating as it killed the air around him. “Have you killed before?” He knew. Your mind began racing, thinking about all of the enemy forces you had taken down. But of course, you only shot them, rather than actually finishing the job. Every moment where you had fired into nothing appeared in your mind. And you realized, your inaction, your fear, just made it easier for the resistance to succeed. As if he were looking right into your head, he turned to you. “Ah,” he reflected, “you haven’t. And you thought you were strong enough to lie to me. Pathetic.” Even with his mask on, you could sense his anger brewing, your fate becoming reality. “You have never felt the power that comes with death, the pleasure in taking one’s life,” he stopped as your visors met. Behind both of your masks, you could feel him scanning you, ready to become his next victim. “You will kill,” he growled through his voice modulator, returning his lightsaber to his belt. He stormed out, and it finally felt safe enough to breath again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That bruh moment when Kylo Ren hates you and wants to kill you lol


	5. Under His Thumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally get a break, and think the worst is over. But of course, nothing lasts forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I Fought the Law" - The Clash

Days passed since the meeting. As if being demoted wasn’t bad enough, your new patrol position made it even easier to run into your superiors, which was exactly what you didn’t want. You knew that another encounter would absolutely destroy you. But no matter how hard you tried to avoid them, you still passed them often. It was almost as if they were taunting you, waiting for you to break again. There was one you didn’t see, though: Kylo Ren. It was almost as if he vanished completely. No more battles, no more imposing figures lurking in the halls, nothing. Even with the scrutiny of Hux and Phasma, you felt free. You knew what they could do to you, but nothing could compare to the fear you felt when you were left alone in the same room as your commander. Eventually, even Hux and Phasma left in the same fashion in which they first arrived, making a scene. Life returned to normalcy at the base. You could breathe again without the fear of being caught. And then, the transfer came. 

It was only a week after Hux and Phasma had departed when you learned of it. On your way back to the barracks, your squad leader approached you. Instantly, you feared that you were in trouble again, but it was worse. “You have been transferred to Starkiller Base. You ship out in the morning,” he stated bluntly. Hours later, you stood alone in the loading bay with no one to say goodbye to. 

When you finally arrived at the new base, all you could do was stare at it in awe. It was a monster compared to your former location, and it held things and people that you never even knew existed. If you meant anything at the old base, you were nothing here. But you remained hopeful, it would be easy to find your place and fade away. Or so you thought. A sergeant approached you, addressing you by your number. It was clear that he came with a direct order to find you. He escorted you to your new barracks before your new post. You were surprised to find the room large, with a small screen between each bed, creating the illusion of individual rooms. It was much larger than the previous barracks, and you were unsure if they were just nicer because of the new base, or because of your new position. After dropping off your few belongings, he continued to escort you to your post. You still had no idea what it was, but at this point, you were too afraid to ask. 

You stopped at the command center, instantly recalling the event at the last base. “This must be a mistake,” you began to say, but you were already in the presence of three more stormtroopers. “You must be DB-4716,” the chief said. The patch indicating his rank shone bright red against his white armor, just like Kylo Ren’s lightsaber. And at that thought, you realized exactly who these stormtroopers were. They were Kylo Ren’s personal guards, his watchdogs. But what were you doing here? It was him who ratted you out for being alone in the hallway, as well as for your other problem. You thought he wanted to kill you, and now here you stood, surrounded by his personal crew. It was him who must have arranged the transfer. He wanted you right under his thumb to make sure you kept in line, as if any of the other encounters hadn’t scared you straight already. The truth had begun to set in: you were now a part of Kylo Ren’s personal band. Conflict brewed in you. This was an opportunity of a lifetime, and the beginning of your destiny; however, you knew deep down that this was Kylo’s way of toying with you. Your success would always be linked to him from now on. But success was still success, right?. “When do I start?” you asked, hoping that your willingness disguised your inner fear. And almost like clockwork, the alarm screeched, just like it had after you first met your commander.

You made your way down to the loading bay, following your new crew closely. Around you, the other stormtroopers began boarding transports, but unlike them, you had begun to board the same ship that struck so much fear into you when it arrived at your base. And as you walked onto the ramp and into its belly, Kylo Ren was waiting for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, you REALLY can't get a break, huh? Also, I made a reference to my favorite singer somewhere in this chapter. Can you find it?


	6. The Turning Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You think that you can still play by your own rules, but you learn the hard way that Kylo Ren does not take failure to follow commands lightly. He forces you to confront what you fear most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Gimme Shelter" - The Rolling Stones
> 
> *possible tw: death*

You boarded the ship, avoiding Ren as much as possible. He sat in the cockpit, away from the rest of his crew. Even so, his presence filled the entire area, making it hard to avoid his dark allure. No words were muttered, except from the pilot as he steered away from the loading bay’s floor. The entire ship was quiet, as if it was physically impossible to make any noise. As the ship began its journey into deep space, a red light flooded over you and the others, staining you with its glare. It was the color of the First Order, and it was the color of your destiny.

The command shuttle arrived at the battle, the overarching silence breaking suddenly. You could hear the explosions before the ramp even lowered. Somehow, they seemed to be amplified and rattled deep into your bones. You wondered if anyone else felt this way, but the crew all rushed out, even if they were as terrified as you. You forced yourself to follow suit, and were suddenly submerged knee-deep into blood and chaos. You fired into the distance to distract yourself from everything that had just occurred. You let your anger fuel you as you worsened the destruction. You threw charges high into the air, streaking the sky with bright yellow as they connected with the scenery. Screams were covered by the loud explosions. You smiled, those screams meant that you had finally achieved your goal of killing. And it also meant that you could get out of shooting someone for the time being. You relished it, knowing that you were able to both save your ass and your morals, all without getting caught. Your mind was flooded with visions of your future: pain, death, success. You saw yourself stripping people of their lives mercilessly, your own laugh ringing through your ears as their red blood splattered against the white of your armor. But then, the faces of your victims began to change. You were looking at yourself now. It was your scream breaking the silence of your mind, your blood that was now delicately painted on your armor. You watched yourself die, over and over again. And as you died, you screamed out a name, and it got clearer each time. It was the same name that the woman from your dreams cried out, distant yet so clear.

Your head cleared, a moment of bliss, but it faded as pain shot deep into your skull. It was as if a blade had just ripped through you, invading and destroying every thought that was once present. Your mind broke now as you crumpled to the dirt. A shadow encapsulated you: Kylo Ren. “Get up,” he scorned. You took a breath as you pushed yourself up to meet him. “Get up!” He was now yelling at you, his anger clear through his modulator. He was always tall, but now he towered over you completely. And to rule out the odd chance that you could overpower him, his lightsaber was aflame. You watched it as it glowed against your armor. “I know what you did,” he began, “you thought you could fake death. You coward, too afraid to do your job even if your life depended on it.” At this, he grabbed your wrist right between where your glove and armor met. He squeezed as he brought his lightsaber up to your helmet. “I thought that we already went through this, but now I suppose I have to do your job for you.” The visions of your death filled your mind once more as he began to drag you away to a small structure that was beginning to crumble. “There is a mother and child within that house. You will shoot them both as they attempt to escape. If not, those visions within your head will become true, and I will take great pleasure in that.” You remained silent, raising your blaster as tears formed in your eyes. Like clockwork, a frail woman and a small girl crept out from behind the door. The woman screamed as she saw the two of you waiting, and grabbed the girl. She looked at you in a familiar way, the way only a mother could. “Please spare my daughter,” she yelped, “she’s all I have left.” You began to lower your gun as you stared deep into the crying girl’s eyes. The woman from your dream appeared in your head. It was all too real now. “DB-4716,” Ren screamed, “you will shoot them now or I will strike them down, and you will be met with the same fate!” You couldn’t hide it anymore, and you let out a scream. “No!” you cried out, choking on your tears. Pain shot through your entire body as your throat began to enclose. As he forced-choked you, Ren stomped towards you. He slashed at you, his lightsaber colliding with your leg. Upon contact, the white of your armor melted away, exposing your bleeding flesh. The weight upon your throat ceased, and you struggled to breath again. You hadn’t realized that both the woman and the girl had begun screaming in terror as Ren approached them. He raised his flaming sword, bringing it down on the woman first. As her mother fell disfigured to the ground, the little girl cried and began to hit Kylo’s leg. He looked down and pushed the girl off. He raised his sword high above his head again, pausing this time. He was taunting her, dragging her death out to make her suffer. Anger grew within you, and you stared at your blaster next to you. You grabbed it, sending more pain through you as you moved. Your entire body shook as you took aim, but you managed to wrap your finger around the trigger. You fired, and the little girl slumped over her mother. Instantly, you threw the gun out of your hands. You locked eyes with Kylo one last time before the pain washed over you completely, and your vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aahhh! This chapter was so intense to write and read (for me at least). But, it was about time that our character finally faced her fears, right? And I swear, Kylo won't be this evil for the entire story.
> 
> Also happy Star Wars day!


	7. Different Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected guest pays you a visit as you recover from the trauma of your actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hey You" - Pink Floyd

Your eyes blinked open, meeting a bright white light directly overhead. You tried to push yourself up, but the pain from your damaged leg was too much. Instead, you looked around. You were laying on a bed in the medical bay. Screens surrounded you, but you could still see the shadows of the medical droids shuffling between the beds. You were beginning to feel claustrophobic beneath your helmet. Out of the corner of your eye, you thought you saw the curtain rustle. You blinked, but your vision remained blurry. A dark figure now stood in the corner, and despite your state, you could instantly make out the shape of your commander. 

“I expect you have learned your lesson,” he said, approaching your bed. You recalled the past events of the day. You remembered the faces of the girl and her mother right before they died. They were so afraid, so helpless. The girl’s cries filled your ears, causing tears to fall down your face. It was your fault that they had to die the way they did. If you had done your job right the first time, you would have saved both them and yourself from misery. Why did you turn your gun towards the girl instead of Kylo Ren or even yourself? You stripped them of everything, and you had to live with that for the rest of your life. You didn’t even realize that you had begun to tremble as well, until Kylo placed his hand on your arm. He let it rest there for a few seconds before pulling it away. Even underneath all of the layers, you could feel the warmth of his hand. It radiated on your skin even after it had returned to his side, and everything seemed to fade away for a few moments. He continued to look at you before turning his gaze towards your wounded leg. The bleeding had stopped now, but your armor was stained deep red with your blood. He faced you again. “Take off your helmet,” he finally said. You hesitated. “No, sir. It’s against regulation,” you voiced quietly. You expected him to lash out at your refusal, like he had before. But instead, he reached out towards your head, his fingers grabbing onto the mask before pulling it off. You didn’t refuse, and you lifted your head up to help him take it off. He now held it with both hands, staring at it for a moment before placing it on the table beside you. The cold air touched your face, sending a chill down your spine. You looked up again, staring into the darkness of your commander’s mask. In your reflection, you saw your swollen and tear-streaked face. You averted your eyes away from his mask, but he remained on you. You could feel him analyzing every bit of your face. He straightened himself. He was quiet as he took one more look at your face. “I expect your presence at the command center tomorrow at eleven-hundred,” he said. And at that, he was gone, leaving you alone and exposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can this count as soft Kylo Ren?
> 
> And happy Star Wars day pt. 2 (if you're reading this on May 4th, that is lol)! May the force be with you :)


	8. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're finally beginning to recover from your injury, both physically and emotionally. After your encounter with Ren in the med bay, you decide to reveal why you are the way you are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "New Gods" - Grimes

You awoke once more in the medical bay. Your leg still throbbed, but it was slowly beginning to heal. You knew that you would have to find a way to get out of any dangerous jobs for the time being in order for it to fully recover. In reality, it wasn’t even your leg that needed time to heal. It was you as a whole, as the day prior had damaged you to your core. You didn’t know if you would ever be able to move past what you did. Just the thought alone made you want to vomit.

You sat up and looked at the time, you still had hours before you had to meet with your commander. You looked beside the bed where new armor was set out for you. Typically, you would have received just a replacement for the damaged area, not an entire replacement. Ren, you thought. After seeing you, he must have sent for new armor, but you could only wonder if it was typical for his crew or a congratulations gift. You stood up and began to carefully remove your white armor plates before hobbling to the nearby showers to freshen up. Afterwards, you returned to your screened-in room. You stood there, staring at the two sets of armor. The older set was damaged and stained, while the new one was bright and clean. It almost hurt your eyes to look at the new one, but you couldn’t look away. You began the process of putting it on, and you couldn’t help but remember how right it felt to wear it. You held your helmet out in front of you. In its visor, you could see that your eyes were still swollen from last night. But none of that mattered anymore as you slipped it over your head, covering everything you held inside of yourself.

A fellow stormtrooper stood outside, waiting to escort you to the command center. He said little, and made sure to walk slowly to accommodate your pace. He had even offered you his shoulder to help take the weight off of your healing leg. You wondered if he knew the cause of your injury, or anything that had happened yesterday at all. You leaned on him for some time before reaching the command center. He walked you inside before leaving you alone at the entrance. “Good luck,” he said as he slipped out from under your arm. “Thanks,” you replied, watching as he returned to his post. Minutes passed before a uniformed officer came to lead you away. Beneath your mask, you scanned the command center. Officers glanced at you, or more specifically, your leg. You were almost certain that they knew your injury was caused by Ren. You arrived at a private room off of the main area, the doors opening as soon as you stepped in front of it. The officer watched as you limped slowly into the room alone before finally leaving, the entrance closing behind her. You had expected to be met by Hux, Ren, and Phasma again, but it was only Ren who walked through the side entrance. He must have noticed that you were still in pain, as he motioned towards a chair that sat in front of a long desk. His recent acts of kindness surprised you, but you had to consider yourself lucky that you didn’t seem to be on his bad side anymore. You sat, as he began to pace in front of you. Moments passed before he turned to you. “You may be one of the most cowardly soldiers on this base,” he expressed, “you were bred to be a stormtrooper. Why do you not act like one?” The question took you by surprise. It was something that you had never even considered. “Sir, I do not understand your question,” you began, “this is my birthright, I know no other way.”  
“Perhaps, but you are weak. You break rules, direct orders even. You are dedicated to your post, yet you disregard its requirements completely. There is no free will here.”  
“But even if I do ignore these things, it is not my intention. I find other ways to pledge my allegiance to the First Order.”  
“If you truly pledged allegiance, I would have killed you by now because of your inaction. Yet, I haven’t. I see something within you. It is not much, but I see the thirst for power deep within you. Why?”  
You hesitated. You had never expressed this desire to anyone, but something was different about telling him. Without even realizing, you had begun to take your mask off. You didn’t know if it was against the rules here, but you didn’t care. You looked at the white mask in your hands before looking up at your commander. “I have nothing else, sir. I have no friends, no family. I don’t even have a true name besides my call number. The only thing I have ever known is destruction, and the power that comes with it. And within these, I take pride. It gives me purpose, knowing that I am a part of the new galactic order. I put on this armor each day knowing that one day I will be responsible for the collective power that we hold,” you declared. He stared at you silently now, making you feel small against his presence. His judgment caused you to hang your head in shame, and you now looked straight into your mask. “Put your helmet back on, DB-4716, and get out of my sight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm, new character. Wonder what that could mean


	9. Gone, But Not Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last, you finally avoid Ren and manage to make some friends on the way. But, they reveal things about Ren that make you rethink everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Tainted Love" - Soft Cell

Days had passed since you had last seen Kylo Ren, and for the time being, that was okay. Even if you were happy to avoid your commander, you kept replaying the moment over again. One moment, he showed you the smallest amounts of kindness, and the next, you were cast away as if you were nothing. Nothing could please him, even if you were on the verge of risking everything to do so. But for some reason, he kept you, whether either of you liked it or not.

While the thoughts raced through your head, you continued on with your job. While being one of Ren’s personal guards was high power work, it was often mundane day to day. The only real action came when Ren was actually present, but he was notorious for hiding away for days or weeks at a time. But that didn’t matter, for you still had the rest of the crew with you. You had discovered that the trooper from the med bay was a fellow guard on your crew, and you couldn’t help but smile when you heard his voice again. Even behind the mask, you could sense genuine warmth and kindness. His call number was TF-198, but that didn’t matter anymore. He was Med to you, and you were Limp to him, stemming from your first encounter. And even with the other hardened troopers, they treated you with respect, something that you had never truly experienced before. For the first time, you were able to speak your mind and laugh without immediate punishment. If there was anything that this new position gave you, it was companionship.

A full week had passed now since your last meeting with Ren, and you now stood with the rest of your crew in the loading bay. The four of you watched as workers milled about, but the sight of the command shuttle caught your eyes. Even if it was undergoing repair, it still had the ability to strike fear into your heart. “That ship is awful,” you voiced. Med laughed. “Maybe, but nothing is as awful as the man himself.” You turned towards him, shocked. Was he really insulting his own commander like that?  
“Trust me, after a few weeks with him, you’ll know exactly what I mean.”  
“He’s done the unthinkable, but it’s no wonder he got so much power,” the chief added. “He’s willing to do whatever it takes.”  
“I heard he killed Luke Skywalker and all of the other Jedi when he was younger.”  
“What? I know for a fact that Skywalker is alive.”  
“So he did kill the other Jedi then? And out of cold blood too?”  
The third trooper chimed in, “Ren keeps the ashes of his enemies.”  
The three of them continued listing off Ren’s atrocities, as if they were trying to one up each other. You were growing sick to your stomach as they rattled on. You finally excused yourself, and quickly made your way back to your barracks. You reached your bed and threw off your mask before sinking down in tears, filled with seething hatred. It wasn’t what Ren had done to his enemies that scared you; it was what he had done with you. You finally realized the full extent of his power, and he was just toying with you. He was forcing you to turn against your morals, and he was clearly willing to do anything to do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The nicknames suck, I KNOW. But I thought they were kinda funny lol. This chapter was so annoying to write and I had no idea what to do with it, but I really wanted to have this interaction between our characters and the others


	10. The Shootout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and your commander head out towards a long forgotten planet in search of something in the ruins. While there, you finally get to prove yourself, forcing Ren to acknowledge your skill and power.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Holding Out for a Hero" - Bonnie Tyler   
> I would say iykyk, but it's not Kylo/Ben doing the rescuing this time

You were back in the strange town, filled with the same strange people. It was the same scenario every time: your blaster was gone, you made your way out to the outskirts, the woman stood crying in front of you. But this time, she approached you, your blaster nowhere in sight. She reached out, her hands now placed on your helmet. She removed it gently, and then brushed the hair away from your face. The two of you stared at each other, you could see yourself in the reflection of her eyes. You let out a smile, which she matched. But something was still off, she was cold now, and the light from her eyes was gone. She reached up to touch your face with one hand, and in the other, she aimed your blaster between your eyes.

Your eyes opened, and Med stood over you. “Are you okay?” You sat up, your hair plastered to your forehead with sweat. “Yeah,” you began as you touched your face the same place as the woman had. “It was just a nightmare.” You shot him a smile, trying to brush off the dream. His look of concern faded away, and he smiled back.  
“Let me guess, it was about Ren.”  
“Ha, not quite, thankfully.”  
“Speaking of Ren, your presence is requested at the command center. It sounds like you have a mission with him.”  
“You’re joking. What time is it?”  
“Early. Better get your stuff on. Give me a sec and I’ll walk you there.”  
“No, really. I think I’ll be okay.”  
“Yeah, right,” he replied, shooting you a smirk as he walked out.

The two of you made your ways through the long hallways. The base was still asleep, except for the few night guards that still milled about. Neither of you spoke, but you enjoyed having Med with you. His presence gave you an extra boost of confidence, and that was exactly what you needed before seeing Ren again. You arrived at the command center, stopping just outside of the entrance. You turned to him to thank him, but before you could do so, he grabbed your hand. “Good luck,” he squeezed your hand. “I’ll see you later.” You stood alone now, blushing under your helmet. The last time something like that had happened was when Ren was practically about to kill you. Any touch was nice if it didn’t make you fear for your life. But that feeling quickly faded as soon as you walked through the large doors. You had only been in the center for a second when you spotted Ren marching towards you. “Follow me,” he said as he made his way out the doors and into the hallway. 

You walked behind Ren down the same path that you had first walked down moments before. The familiar walk felt cold now as only the sounds of your footsteps filled the hallway. You finally reached the loading bay, where the command shuttle sat ready. You expected to find at least a pilot already on as you walked up the ramp, but it remained just the two of you. Ren made his way to the pilot’s seat as you took your own seat in the back. He began pressing the buttons on the control panel, and the ship was off. He steered gracefully through the loading bay, which was now beginning to fill with people. The ship reached the entrance to space, and he pushed it into hyperspeed once it was cleared on the other side. Even if the journey itself was short, it felt long as the silence between the two of you only continued to grow. It wasn’t until the ship touched down on a new planet once more that he spoke to you again. “We are here to find the ruins of a former base. You are not to touch anything, and you shall never talk about this to anyone. Is that understood?” You nodded at him, and the two of you set out. The planet was lush with bright green plants, more than you had seen anywhere else. As you walked, you heard scurrying in between the trees, and you could have sworn that you saw a small furry creature peer at you from behind a bush. “Pay them no mind,” Ren said, “they are the local species, but they will not harm us.” You looked at the bush again.  
“What are they?”  
“They are ewoks.”  
“So you’re telling me that we’re on Endor? The same place where the battle took place, where the rebels won? I’ve heard so many stories of this place, but I never thought I’d be able to see it for myself.” Ren stopped and turned towards you. “Stop talking,” he seethed through his mask. It had appeared that you touched a nerve, but you had no idea what it may have been. And then you remembered the crew, and what they said about young Kylo Ren. It was Luke Skywalker that he resented, the same one who took down the entire Empire with the help of the infamous Han Solo and Leia Organa. You had heard all about them, and you had to admit that you admired them, especially the princess. But you could never openly discuss it, or everyone in the First Order would have your head on a stake. He took a step towards you. “You’re right,” he began, “the entire First Order would gladly have your head if they knew that, or anything about you for that matter. If you ever think of those people again, I will not hesitate to strike you down. They are my enemies, and I will end them and their puny resistance-” 

A blaster rang out in the distance. It was still far out, but it wouldn’t take long until they found you. Another shot fired, closer than the first one. You looked at Ren, waiting for his instruction. “Go. Hide behind that tree, and wait. I will handle them.” At that, he unclipped his lightsaber, igniting it with a stomp. You ran, hugging the tree as you reached it. Within moments, Ren was now facing three large figures. They were all humanoid, but each one managed to resemble a wild animal moreso a human. “Well, well, well,” one said as he stepped forward. “Commander Kylo Ren, what an honor to meet you in person. What a shame that we’ll have to kill you.” The other two chuckled, also stepping forward now. It happened almost instantaneously. Two of them leapt forward, revealing long staffs that clashed against the lightsaber. You watched as they jabbed him in the stomach, to which he responded with force-choking one and slashing at the other’s legs. Watching so intently, you didn’t realize that the third creature, and also the biggest one, had disappeared. Even Ren himself was too absorbed in the fighting to realize that one was missing. Instantly, you realized that the third one was going to leap out when Ren was distracted, making his fight even more difficult. Fear set in, you couldn’t let your commander be killed when you were the one protecting him. You took a step out before realizing your bright white armor was too clunky and stood out too much to sneak up on anyone, but your black underlayer wasn’t. Without hesitation, you pulled off the white shields and threw them to the ground. Without the armor, you had almost no protection, but at least you could lure one of the creatures away from Ren. You grabbed your blaster and began running silently through the thick trees. You looked over at Ren. One of the goons lied face down on the ground, while he still was fighting off the other. You heard a twig crack behind you. As you turned, the third humanoid towered above you and grabbed you. You dropped your blaster as he lifted you high into the air. You were eye-level with him, and you could smell his hot breath as he snarled at you. You thought this was the end, until you noticed a knife strapped to his back. You bit his hand, allowing for your right hand to be freed and grab the knife. You took hold of it and began to slash at him. He howled as it struck deep into his flesh. Reeling at the pain, he dropped you, and you were able to grab your blaster. Your hands trembled as you took aim, but you forced yourself to fire. He stared at you before collapsing heavily to the ground. A tight feeling filled your chest, and you found yourself vomiting. You stood up and stared at the lifeless body in front of you. You looked to the clearing where Ren and the last creature stood pacing around each other. Ren’s lightsaber flickered violently as the creature let out a low growl. Ren walked with a slight but obvious limp. The humanoid lunged forward, knocking Ren to the ground. He now stood over you commander, making even him seem small. He pulled out his blaster, aiming it right at Kylo Ren’s helmet. A shot rang out, and the thing fell, narrowingly avoiding Ren. He stared at you, your blaster still smoking from the shot. Sweat dripped down your exposed forehead, and it was now that you realized that your black underlayer was ripped and dirt stained. Kylo stood, and walked towards you, still limping. “Put your armor back on.”

The two of you continued to walk through the thick forest, and you noticed that Kylo was walking slower than normal, and was in visible pain. “Sir,” you said as you now walked next to him. “Let me help you.” He didn’t protest, and you slipped his arm over your shoulder. The two of you continued to walk, finally making it to the entrance of the base. It was small, more bunker like than anything. Kylo let go of you to open the doors, and you made your way through the long hallway, finally reaching a small control room. It was in ruins, clear that the last people here left in a hurry. You stood silently and glanced at the relics as Kylo began digging through drawers. The last time this base was used was long before you were born, and you wondered if you were the first person in it since the Empire fell. The thought sent shivers up your spine, knowing that the First Order was now literally standing in its ashes. Minutes went by before Ren found what he was looking for. It was a small box, probably containing old plans, and he clipped it to his belt. He hobbled towards the door but stopped when he reached you, holding out his arm for you to take again.

He sat again in the pilot’s seat of the command shuttle, you in the back like before. The limp bodies filled your mind, and it was as if you could still smell their burning flesh. The ship lurched forward and quickly ascended into the atmosphere. Even though it was clear to go into light speed, Kylo let the ship float for a moment. “I want you to sit up here, next to me,” he said, just over a whisper. You hesitated, but made your way to the cockpit. You let out a gasp as you stared out into space. You had never seen so many stars like this before, and it was more beautiful than you could ever imagine. You couldn’t help but smile beneath your mask. You turned to Kylo, who had been staring at you. “Thank you,” you said, still smiling. He nodded before turning back, finally launching the ship back towards Starkiller Base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm, should I make Med a love interest for our character? But wait! It looks like something is finally happening with Kylo!


	11. A Return to the Armory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar encounter, but you never could have guessed what would happen this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Tear You Apart" - She Wants Revenge

You walked beside Med along the long hallways of Starkiller Base. It was late, and the base was beginning to empty. But not Med, he had been on night duty for the past few days. Because of your conflicting schedules, you only had a few brief minutes to spend with each other. As you walked him to his post, you hesitated telling him of your mission with Ren. The mission had been no secret, but he still made you vow not to speak of it. Even if Med was your friend, he was just as loyal to the First Order as you, and you didn’t know how much he could be trusted. Instead, you decided to tell him about the scenery: the lushness of the planet, the luminous brilliance of the stars. You described them in as much detail as possible, recounting each twinkle and every shade of green. “You’re like a child,” he laughed. You stopped and looked at him. You were like a child, describing everything as if you were the only one who had ever seen the outside of the base. “Sorry,” you responded, hoping that he couldn’t hear the defeat in your voice. “No, I like it.” You couldn’t see his face under the helmet, but you sensed that he was smiling at you. After a moment, both of you laughed and continued on your way. You noticed that as he walked next to you, his hand brushed against you, but never more than a few seconds. You reached his post, which was conveniently a mere twenty feet or so from the doors to the command center. You waited a moment, expecting him to say goodbye first. Instead, he said your name as he intertwined his gloved fingers between yours. You let your hand rest there for what felt like minutes, but pulled it away as you heard the nearby doors open. “Well,” you began, “maybe I’ll see you later.” His head dipped down, still looking at where your hands once were. “Yeah, catch you later.”

You walked alone now, and the halls were even more desolate than before. After a few minutes, you heard growing footsteps behind you that were nearly in line with your own. You knew who it was before you even turned: Kylo Ren. You stared at each other intently. As the seconds passed, you feared that he would retreat to find Hux, resulting in your removal. But, he remained, and the world around you appeared to fall away. “Follow me,” he instructed finally. You noticed that his limp was nearly gone, but you could still spot it. You wondered if he was just bad at hiding it, or if you still noticed it because you knew its origin. You followed him for what felt like hours, reaching a part of the base that you had never seen before. The two of you finally stopped in front of a large and heavy door, guarded by two stormtroopers. Both of them nodded at Ren before walking down the hall, leaving the two of you to enter whatever was behind the door. He scanned a small card against the data pad, and punched in a code before the door slid open. He stepped in, and you followed closely, the door closing as soon as you entered. You now stood in the armory of the Starkiller Base, surrounded by an infinite amount of blasters and other weapons of destruction, and it was beautiful. 

You stood tall in the middle of the large room as Kylo circled you. “DB-4716,” he began to approach you. “It appears that you are finally falling into your position, no longer plagued by your cowardice. You are nearly equal with your fellow mates, but I sense that you are still holding yourself back, and may never reach their confidence. What a shame for someone of your caliber. I wonder, would you have been able to kill our attackers if I was anyone else, or did you only muster the strength because it was your duty to protect me? However—” he paused, now standing mere inches away from you. “If you had not been there, it would be unlikely that I’d be standing here before you.” Your face began to flush, the heat creeping from your cheeks down. “Thank you, commander,” you let out, your breath beginning to stagger. As he continued to inch closer, your entire body began to tremble. He placed his hand on your arm before reaching towards your helmet to take it off. You looked at it as he set it down on a nearby counter. You were happy that it didn’t face you, so you couldn’t see your reflection in its visor. You looked back at Kylo, who had returned to his position and was now staring at you. He remained like this for nearly a minute before he slowly lifted his hands to his own mask. You let out a soft gasp, finally seeing the creature behind the mask. You immediately noticed his strong features, but as you looked closer you saw something else: a young boy, hiding behind a hardened shell. It was in his eyes, cold and searching for warmth, which they found as they landed on your own eyes. You recognized this coldness, forever searching for something that it could never have, because it was the same thing you saw behind your own eyes.

The two of you stared at each other, both of you analyzing one another. You made notes of his freckles, his eyes, everything needed to paint a picture of him in your mind. He hesitantly lifted a gloved hand to your face, pushing back a strand of hair before resting his hand on your cheek. You stood there silently, unsure of whether he would snatch his hand away as he realized what he was doing. But he left it there, and his lips were now on yours. He kissed you gingerly for a few seconds before pulling away to look at you. He searched your face for validation, and once he found it, you saw his eyes light up. His lips returned to yours, sending warmth throughout your body. With his free hand, he found the small of your back, pushing you closer to him. His once gentle lips became aggressive as the kiss deepened. Your hands hesitantly began to explore him, going from his hair to his chest, and finally, his face, until he pulled away. What was once gentleness behind his eyes was replaced with the same coldness as before. He stepped away, turning his back towards. You remained still, unable to leave as he stood directly in front of your helmet. Minutes passed before he turned to face you again, your helmet now in his hands. He lurched towards you, standing tall in front of you once more. A hand went to your chin, directing your face upwards to look back at him. He searched your eyes, and for a moment, he softened as he looked at you. Finally, he kissed you gently one more time before shoving the helmet into your hands and pushing you towards the door. You walked to the exit, stealing one more look at him before replacing your helmet. His back faced you again, like he was trying to ignore whatever had just happened. He grabbed his mask, placing it on his head in one swift motion. You could hear his breath, heavy through the modulator. “Get out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING!!!! I'm sorry that I made you guys wait so long for some action, but it's not called a slow burn for nothing lol. I promise that it'll pick up now, but it's still going to be pretty plot heavy


	12. It's Just Not The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You try to hide what happened between you and Ren, hoping to erase it from your mind completely. And just when you have a new distraction, you can't seem to escape from your commander's embrace. It should be easy to keep everything a secret when you have everything to lose, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I Hate Myself for Loving You" - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

You sat up in your bed, unable to sleep as your commander raced through your head. It had been hours since you had been with Kylo Ren in the armory. You tried to erase the memory from your mind, focusing on the repercussions that would come with your actions. You knew that if anyone found out, it would be you punished, meaning Ren would walk free, even if he was the one who started it all. He was a god, and you were just a stormtrooper. You were nothing. But not to him, you thought. Your thoughts wandered back to his face, focusing on his delicate freckles, his raven hair, his cold eyes. It was as if you could still feel his breath against your skin as he inched closer, or his lips grazing your own as the coolness of his gloved hand rested on your hot cheek. You let the memory of the kiss sit there for a moment, before sending it deep into the recesses of your mind, praying that it would never see the light of day again. 

Outside of your small room, you heard footsteps. They were heavy, but they managed to move with grace, the sound dampening quickly as they walked. It’s him, you thought, maybe he came to see you again. Hesitantly, you creeped out, expecting to be met by Ren standing in the middle of the dark barracks. Instead, Med stood silently in the dark. He was supposed to be on duty, and you were shocked to find him of all people away from his post. You noticed that his helmet was off, and it rested in the crook of his arm. His shoulders sank low, and a hand covered his face. As you slowly began approaching him, you realized that he was crying. You paused, debating if you should stay or let him be. He looked up, finally realizing that you were standing there. Even in the dark, you could make out the tears falling down his face. Wanting to comfort him, you reached your hand out, interlocking it with his. His grip tightened slightly, his eyes filled with sadness as he looked at you. Without saying anything, you pulled him into a hug. You let him rest his head on your shoulder, where he began sobbing silently again. “It was Ren,” he said, muffled. Your eyes widened at this confession, it couldn’t have been more than three hours since you were with him. You could only wonder if Ren took his anger towards you out on Med, guilt washed over you at the thought of it. It was now you who gently tightened your grip around Med. He began again, words slipping out between his sobs. “I was at my post, just standing there. No one else was around. It was so quiet. But then he came, and he was so mad. I greeted him, and I actually tried the friendly. But then, he took out his lightsaber and just began ripping into the wall. I tried to get him to stop, but he didn’t listen. And then—” He let out a loud cry, the pain in his voice striking deep into your heart. “He began force-choking me, and I thought he was going to kill me. But instead, he tore off my mask and just started hitting me. It was so bad that I had to get myself to the med bay, but even they couldn’t do that much. The worst part is, I couldn’t do anything, I just had to take it. I’m a failure, I’m absolutely nothing.” Tears were beginning to form as you recalled when Ren had injured you. “You’re not. You and I share more than you could ever know,” you said, shakily. He nodded against you in understanding. Minutes passed as you held onto each other. Without thinking, you kissed him gently on the cheek. Beneath your lips, you could feel the remnants of a deep cut. With his arms still tightly around you, he looked up at you. You stared into his eyes before kissing him on his lips. Your lips collided, your entire body filling with a brand new feeling completely different from what you felt before. Ren kissed you aggressively, hungry for something deep within you. Med, on the other hand, felt real, like he never wanted to let you go. An eternity seemed to pass before the two of you pulled away from each other. Both of his hands found their way to yours as you smiled at him. He kissed you once more before finally pulling away and returning to his post.

It had now been nearly a week since you had even seen Ren. You were happy that you now had Med to replace him. It was easy to think of Med, to be reminded of how he really cared for you. The two of you found a way to steal kisses from each other, waiting until one of you could sneak away from your post and meeting in the quiet barracks. Each time you kissed, warmth and happiness filled you, a feeling that you otherwise hadn’t felt in a long time. But even beneath this happiness, guilt and anger wrestled deep within you. You still saw the memory of Ren everywhere. Sometimes when you’d pull away from Med, it was Kylo’s face that you were staring at. But you’d blink, and he’d be gone. And late at night, you couldn’t help but remember how he kissed you, how different it was from the way Med did. You missed the feeling of his hand on your cheek, his lips against your own. But most of all, you missed how his eyes were always searching for something, and how they found that same something in your eyes. The more you found yourself thinking of him, the more you realized that you missed him.

You sat in the mess hall with Med and the rest of your crew. It was the first proper meal you had together since before your mission with Kylo. The four of you didn’t share much in common besides the obvious, but you all relished being able to laugh about everything that was going on, and it was a much needed relief. You found that CT-093, the third in your crew, always had the best rumors about almost everyone on the base. As the four of you laughed at CT’s rumors, Med broke in. “I got one,” he said, still laughing. “I heard that Ren and a stormtrooper were in the armory together super late at night, alone. Ren even sent the guards away. A little night late rendezvous?” Silence washed over the table before a loud burst of laughter, and your horror began to set in. If anyone ever found out that the stormtrooper was you, you’d be done for. “Excuse me,” you said as you stood up, placing your helmet on your head. You hoped that you could hide behind it, but the tears had already begun to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay in posting!!!! New chapters are coming soon :)


	13. Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People know about Ren and the nameless stormtrooper who escaped to the armory together. And as if your life couldn't get any worse, he finally wants to see you again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "He Hit Me" - Grizzly Bear 
> 
> pt. 1 of chapter!!

You walked aimlessly through the long hallways of the Starkiller Base, trying to create distance between yourself and the rest of the world. It was getting late, but the remaining eyes still followed you. You now found yourself in a dark corner, far away from anyone who may be looking for you. You sunk down to the ground and took your mask off. Tears instantly began to fall again and you couldn’t help but cry out, not even caring if anyone could hear you. You thought your life was already ruined, but now, there was nothing left for you. You were a fool for thinking that something like this could stay secret, and this was exactly what you deserved for it. But still, despite the consequences, you wished that you could reach out, and Ren would be there, waiting for you. Waiting to hold you tight until the world fell away.

Your tears began to cease as your eyes grew heavy. But before your eyes could close, you heard footsteps approaching quickly. Ren, you thought to yourself as you wiped away your remaining tears. But, it was General Hux who came around the corner, stopping in his tracks when he saw you. It was almost as if he had expected to find you there. You stared at him, waiting for him to state the obvious. It was better to hear it from him that you were to be thrown out instead of Ren himself. “What a miserable sight,” he scoffed. “Clean yourself up and follow me. Commander Ren has requested your presence.”

You walked quickly behind Hux as he led you deeper into Starkiller Base. It was almost completely empty, except for the occasional guard. Soon, the two of you reached a long hallway scattered with doors. “Last door,” Hux muttered before quickly turning, leaving you alone. You turned to watch him walk away, it was almost as if he himself was trying to escape whatever awaited at the end of the hallway. You took a deep breath before slowly walking forward. The hallway seemed to only grow longer, and you soon found yourself in a near-run. When you finally reached the door as Hux instructed, you caught your breath, trying to calm your queasy stomach. You looked at the door. It was large, resembling the mouth of a cave rather than an entrance to a room. But just like a cave, you knew that a beast rested inside, waiting.

You noticed a small button to the side and pressed on it, hoping that it would open the door. It didn’t, leaving you waiting even longer. Down the hallway, you heard voices. One was deeply modulated, similar to Ren’s. A sense of fear and excitement washed over you as you expected his arrival, but dissipated as the voice drifted away. You realized that you had been waiting for nearly ten minutes without any indication that Ren was even in. You finally found yourself growing impatient, and began walking away from the door. As soon as you had begun to leave, the door slid open. You made your way back and cautiously stared at the door. You hesitated, debating between walking into the unknown or leaving. Ultimately, you decided that the former would be safest, and you took a step through the opening, quickly entering the belly of the cave. As soon as you were clear of the door, it slammed shut, causing you to jump. After you gathered yourself, you stepped further into the room. It was stark white and spotless, making it difficult to believe that someone could live here. You let out an overwhelmed sigh when Ren was still nowhere to be found. It was now that you realized how disposable you really were to him. You had to follow every command of his or face punishment, while he was free to whatever he wished, often ignoring the consequences. And after days of silence, it was happening again.

Your thoughts were interrupted by heavy footsteps. You turned to find Ren behind you. He stood close to you, almost too close for how you felt towards him. Seconds passed, the silence between you only growing louder. He soon raised his hands, placing them on your helmet just like before. He removed it and dropped it to the floor, sending a loud crash throughout the quarters. You stared at him, or rather, you stared at the reflection of yourself in his mask. Beneath it, you could hear him take a breath. “I know you’ve been thinking about me,” he said finally. “So naughty, thinking about your commander like that. You’re lucky that no one else can see into that head of yours. What would General Hux or Captain Phasma think if they found out?” He paused, and took your hands into his. They guided yours up to his mask, allowing you to remove it yourself. His face was exactly how you remembered: his freckles, his lips, his ever-searching eyes. “I’ve been thinking about you too.” You realized that this was the first time you had heard his true voice, and it shocked you. It was sincere, yet gentle. And it was telling you that he missed you just as much as you missed him. At this, he bent down and kissed you. It was slow, just like the first time. You could tell that he had been waiting for this moment, just as you had.

You indulged yourself, allowing the kiss to deepen, until you remembered your anger. Your face turned hot and you pulled away. He stared at you, his face a mix of surprise and anger. He let out a chuckle, as if you were just toying with him. “You think this is funny, me being mad at you? I didn’t think it was funny when you took me to the armory and almost ruined my reputation, or when you took your rage out on my friend,” you spat at him, hatred boiling within you. The smirk that was on Ren’s face was gone now, and was replaced with terrifying lividness. You felt your hands begin to shake, but stood your ground. “When you came to see me after you hurt me, I thought there was something there. I thought you were proud of me. I thought you wanted me,” you choked out, timidly. You paused, avoiding his eyes. Clearing your throat, you began again. “And after you kissed me, I felt a way I’ve never felt before, like I’m meant to be here. I felt like I was finally something. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. But that was before you forgot about me.” You finally looked into his face. The anger was still there, but it softened as if he knew exactly how you felt. He finally opened his mouth to speak, “and then you retaliated.” He knew about you and Med. “Med, you say? You should know better than to form attachments to someone who might die tomorrow. Or worse, turn against you. Every single person on this base and beyond are under my command, including him. So next time you try to seek petty revenge like this, make sure they haven’t pledged allegiance to the First Order and I. But I commend you for thinking that someone as insignificant as you could have such a profound effect on me. Too bad you were wrong, you insufferable girl.” In a matter of minutes, the man who filled your head had gone from being lost just as you were, to trying to ruin you forever. You stepped away even further now as tears began to fall from your eyes. “I hate you. I HATE YOU!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS!!!! I'm so sorry for such a long break between now and the last time I posted :( I'm finally back and I'm going to try to stay on a consistent schedule in order to get this story done. I have a lot of ideas and I'm excited!! As said before, this is a two-parter, so stick around. It's finally getting spicy ;)


	14. Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In a matter of minutes, the man who filled your head had gone from being lost just as you were, to trying to ruin you forever. You stepped away even further now as tears began to fall from your eyes. “I hate you. I HATE YOU!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "He Hit Me" - Grizzly Bear
> 
> pt. 2 of chapter!

All was quiet. Your voice had given up long ago and your vision had blurred from the tears. You slumped against the wall, and wondered if Ren was still watching you cry. He had in the beginning, but you couldn’t lift your eyes to meet him. Instead, you stared intently at your helmet that was still on the ground. You couldn’t tell how much time had passed between your arrival and now—it could have been twenty minutes or two hours—either way, it didn’t seem to matter. Your concentration was broken by the sound of loud footsteps approaching you. Almost instinctively, you recoiled back, but found there was nowhere to escape to. Ren was in front of you now. “Look at me,” he said coarsely. You blatantly ignored him. As you did so, you expected him to lash out in some way, such as hitting the wall behind you or igniting his blade. Instead, he knelt down in front of you. He raised his hand and slowly removed his black leather glove. He then gently brought it to your chin, raising your face to meet his. You finally looked into his eyes. They were sad and cloudy. And in them, you saw the same scared boy who was just like you. You knew that he’d never say the words, but you sensed an apology from his eyes alone. His still gloved hand also rose, and he began stroking your cheek. Your own hand now rested on top of his. No other words were said as he drew you even closer, causing you to crane your neck as he kissed you. Through his kiss, you sensed warmth and forgiveness, something that wasn’t there previously. As the kiss deepened, he wrapped you in his arms before pulling you up to your feet. The sudden movement was nauseating, but he caught you before you could lose your balance. As he steadied you, the two of you looked into each other’s eyes. His seemed to plead, as if he wanted forgiveness, as well as something else. As you stared into his eyes, you felt the same within yourself, which surprised you. He must’ve sensed this, and he quickly swept you up in his arms. You didn’t realize how strong he was as he carried you deeper into his quarters. He stopped to let a door slide open, opening up to what must’ve been his bedroom. You looked into his eyes again, and they shone with an unusual intensity you had never seen before. He held you tight, the world falling away as he kissed you again, and the door quickly slid shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI EVERYONE!! I'm SO sorry for such a long absence, but I promise that I am going to pick this up again. To be honest, this chapter was really difficult to write and I had no idea where I wanted to go with it. Sorry for leaving it on such a cliffhanger, but I kind of like alluding to .... yknow (also how the hell do I write about y/n and Kylo fucking LOL). Maybe we'll get there eventually. Anyways, thank you for all of the hits and kudos, I'm glad that so many people are liking my work so far <3 <3


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